Your Grace is Enough

A man goes on the beach and sees that it is covered with starfish that have washed up in the tide. A little boy is walking along, picking them up and throwing them back into the water.
"What are you doing, son?" the man asks. "You see how many starfish there are? You'll never make a difference."
The boy paused thoughtfully, and picked up another starfish and threw it into the ocean.
"It sure made a difference to that one," he said.
- Hawaiian Proverb

Ahh, what a great week. It truly has been fantastic. God is good, God is moving and God is so real.

It really is easy to get depressed or burdened after hearing so many horrifying facts about the brokenness of this world. My international health class gives me plenty of reasons to cry out to God and shake a demanding fist in his face. I've learned too many facts and numbers about the cursed world we live in... a world cursed because of sin.

Did you know that one woman EVERY MINUTE dies during childbirth? Several more are severely injured.
Did you know that Colombia is second only to Sudan in number of displaced refugees due to violence?
Did you know that if you sleep in a bed, keep your food in a fridge and have a roof over your head, then you are in the richest SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT of the world's population?

Yet, this cursed world has a Savior. He has a living, moving, tangible body... his church. And its beautiful and breath-takingingly amazing to be part of it...

Really, I have nothing to say about my classes or the mundane aspects of college this week. I'm just completely overwhelmed by God's grace. His grace is such an incredible aspect-- an idea that has the power to transform lives. He's really been pushing me to new understanding of grace, and truly and honestly, this new understanding has changed my perspective on who God is and what he expects us to be and how he empowers us to do so.

On Sunday I had this fantastic conversation with a girl named Allison who lives on my floor and is also one of my Bible study leaders. We talked about everything and anything. She showed me this one quote about grace... Dietrich Bonhoeffer in The Cost of Discipleship compares two different kinds of grace: cheap grace and costly grace. Its so great that I'm going to share it with you...

That is what we mean by cheap grace, the grace which amounts to the justification of the sin without the justification of the sinner who departs from sin which and from whom sin departs. Cheap grace is not the kind of forgiveness of sin which frees us from the toils of sin. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. [...]

Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.

Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: 'ye were bought at a price,' and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.

Ahhh... grace. The infinite character of God. Too complex for us to ever understand, but near enough to transform us.

And now, for a story-time break ('cause I'm always full of those...)

"Does anyone have a shorter or tighter dress?" she chirped up. My mind started racing as I tried to process what she just said. Yes, I had understood correctly. Before I knew it, I opened my mouth and one single word came out: "Why?" She looked at me and looked at her friend who was definitely more scantily-clad than she was... "I just want to look... sexy." I closed my eyes and prayed that inability to hide what I was thinking would not be evident. I hoped that I could actually keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. I assured her that she looked beautiful (she did).

"That's just it! I always look cute, or beautiful... but I want to look... sexy."

I tried to reason with her, letting her know that she looked stunning and fabulous. It wasn't working. Her shoulders dropped more and more. My heart broke for her. I just wanted to reach out and hug her...

"Hon, you look sexy," Chrissy stepped in. With that, she smiled turned around and went off for a night of partying.

Week Two...

"And if the old ones tell you to... then that means you have to." She lifted the shot of whisky and winked. Everyone else laughed… could I sense some uneasy giggles? I sighed and began anticipating the rugby’s team response to my polite decline to their not-so-optional offer of alcohol. Sure enough, the girl came over and handed me a shot, but I didn’t take it.
“No, thanks.” Smile.
No smile returned. “You kind of have to.”
“No thank you. I don’t drink.”
“If the alumni say so, then you have to… but I’ll let it slide this time.”

Oh, brother. Here we go… College life had to come some time… and so it came: my second Saturday on campus. Oh, and did I mention that I woke up the next morning to a constant rattling at 7:00 am? No, I didn’t. Did I mention that the cause of this rattling was a naked girl? Nope, that must have slipped me by as well… Ok, let me explain…
Sunday morning I was planning on waking up at 8:30. Instead, I woke up to incessant rattling on our doorknob at 7:00. I tried ignoring it until 7:30 (yup, it was still going), but I finally got up. Right before I decided to get up, Tyler mumbled something about a naked girl. I was really confused, but I’m not sure what I was expecting. I peeked through the peep hole, but couldn’t see anything… or anyone—yet our doorknob kept turning as if someone were trying to get in… desperately. Odd.
I unlocked the door and slowly turned the doorknob. Keep in mind that I had just woken up and my cognitive abilities at this point were near zero. Crammed into the corner of the hall was a naked girl. I just stared. No words. Just eye contact. She mumbled something about the wrong room and then looked away awkwardly. I nodded and closed the door. Then I had to pee. She was still there and then she followed me to the bathroom. I went back to my room and got her some clothing, but when I went back into the hallway, she was gone.
And that’s that.

Week two of college completed. And guess what? I love it… every aspect about it—save one: I miss Colombia… a lot. But anyway… that’s another topic for another day, or maybe another paragraph later on in this same post.
I visited a different church this last week and it was really good. I liked a lot and am seriously considering getting involved there. It’s called Redeemer Gospel Church and is a small, new church plant. The community was really welcoming and though small, inter-generational. I enjoyed the sermon and the fellowship. So we’ll see what I end up deciding.
Week two of classes was definitely harder than week one. We all of a sudden had reading assignments due and papers began piling up. I felt that I suddenly had no time for anything… I would read and read… oh and read some more… and still be behind. Odd feeling, since I’ve never experienced this before. Everyone told me that college was reading and I believed them, but it’s differently EXPERIENCING that as opposed to KNOWING that. Also, as everyone also let me know, my peers were at my academic level or higher… usually higher. Classes suddenly seemed more challenging, not necessarily because of my professors, but because of my peers.
I’ll be starting two jobs this month. In the first, I’ll be a soccer ref. Surprising? Yes, most definitely. But hey, it pays well and its really nice hours. Oh, and the only pre-requisite was having played soccer in high school—which I did… sporadically. Anyway, I’ve been hired and my training starts Tuesday and my first game is on Saturday, Sept 11. Thankfully, I’ll be reffing for first graders. Haha. My other job, definitely the primary one, is working as a tutor for America Reads/America Counts. I’ll be working in an elementary or middle school in the area with kids who need extra help. I’m so excited that this is my JOB. I won’t have to work in the dining hall or anything like that… I get to TEACH and do SPORTS. Ah, God is good.
This week was really encouraging, though exhausting. I’ve had extremely significant conversations with Chrissy and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed them. We discussed reality and our perception of it. We discussed humans, their souls and our similarities/differences with animals. We explored the meaning of life and its seeming lack of purpose. She asked me the source of my joy. And even as I write this… several days later, I smile and shiver slightly with goose bumps running down my arms. God is moving :).

Prayer Requests:
1) Energy. I already feel tired… constantly. Now, if you know me at all, then this isn’t a new problem for me. I’m trying to figure out my sleeping schedule, and needless to say, it’s been difficult. But even after naps, I feel drained. Pray that I can find my strength and rest in His presence every morning.
2) Wisdom. I’ve been processing a lot of things recently, and I am struggling to find God’s perspective in some issues. Pray as I work through these with God. I want him to be my guide and I want to hear his still, quiet voice.
3) Joy. I’ve experienced sudden and intense flashes of homesickness this last week. It’s odd because for the first time, going home won’t fix the homesickness—everything will be different. I know that I need to let go and live my current life (which I LOVE), but it’s been hard accepting that it’s… over.
4) Balance. Once again, if you know me, then you knew this was coming. Pray that I would have the necessary wisdom to balance my life. I want to be involved in a Christian ministry but I also want to be involved with a group of non Christians. I want to do well in school, but I want to experience the social life too. It’s a tricky balance.
5) Continue praying for Chrissy and Tyler. I love them :)

The Whirlwind

"Mandatory floor meeting tonight."
"Informational session tonight."
"Large group worship... tonight."

'Nuff said. And I thought high school was busy... phew.

One week ago... a week ago today I was moving into my dorm. Strange how it was only one week ago, yet a world ago. Moving in concluded a chapter of my life and opened a whole new one-- one that I'm so excited to see what God decides to write.

The first couple of days on campus were extremely overwhelming. We had sessions and meetings left and right... and when we weren't at those, there were social activities galore. The problem wasn't finding something to do, it was choosing WHAT to do. I did many of the activities with my roommates (Tyler and Chrissy, for future reference). It was a nice eye-opening to the campus and to college life, but quite frankly, I wasn't making friends... I was simply making acquaintances. Now, if you know me at all, you know that this aggravates me. I hate acquaintances. I can't wait to turn acquaintances into deep friendships. I love that.

Saturday night two girls wandered into our room. Their names? Allison and Sarah. They were so open and friendly. Wait, perhaps friendly isn't the right word... they were truly loving. It didn't take fifteen minutes of conversation for me to wonder if they were Christians. Sure enough, as they stood up to leave they invited us to a Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) house party. Since they had been such enjoyable company and we didn't have anything better to do, the three of us decided to go.

This house party was odd. The people were odd. Sarah and Allison didn't ditch us upon arrival. They made a conscious effort to make us feel comfortable. Everyone was eager to start conversations and build relationships. Joy and love were abundant. I loved it. Every second of it. Every once in a while

Anyway, during this party I got into a certain conversation with Sarah and a girl named Mary. It was phenomenal. I wanted to talk to them for hours. We discussed the importance of evangelism and allowing Christianity to become a driving force in our lives. It was so encouraging. I wasn't expecting to find Christians this passionate at U of I. Don't ask me why, but for some reason, this caught me off-guard. But I guess off-guard was a good place to start...
Sunday morning I went to church with Sarah and enjoyed it. It was a good day. I was so excited for classes to start. My nerd side was taking over as I found myself getting giddy thinking about classes starting. My roommates probably thought I was insane. That night the three of us really bonded and stayed up talking until 3:00 am. This conversation was hard for me to have... Thoughts raced through my head and I had a hard time thinking on my feet. Our bonding conversation was the typical guy conversation. As we talked I kept trying to figure out how to talk about the opposite sex with non-christians. This became difficult for me to process. I kept trying to think of ways to bring in my morals and my values, yet still seem human to them. It was a great conversation, though.

Monday. Ohhh, classes. It was so great. Though I only had two classes this day, I loved them. I'll take a break here and post my classes to avoid confusion...
-The City and Human Rights
- Arabic
- Introduction to international health policy
- Global studies seminar
- Language arts and sciences seminar

Simply put, I love my classes.
Arabic has been incredible. I am falling more and more in love with the language and seriously dream of a time when I'll be able to achieve fluency. Ahhhh :)

My international health policy has been the most... challenging? Not because of the work load, but because of the content. I've had two classes so far, and all she's done (clearly a secular humanist feminist) is throw out depressing statistics. I've acquired a significant amount of head knowledge regarding all the poverty I've seen first-hand. For example, more than 1.2 billion people globally live on less than $1/day. Shocking. $17 billion are spent annually on pet food in the USA and Europe alone. Disgusting. The Millennial Development Goals targeted for 2015 will not be accomplished. Depressing.

I'm not going to lie. It's been quite overwhelming to hear 2 hours of depressing facts. I get back after that class and just pray. Jesus, remind me that you're bigger than this brokenness. Your blood is enough for them too... Our professor is quite cynical about us being solutions. She doesn't believe much can be done about poverty and misery. Why, though? What is her reason? Because countries aren't willing to give the money required. Oh, if only she could see that Jesus is the only real solution to our depravity...

I mentioned earlier that I've gotten involved with Cru. It really has been an encouragement for me... I've met and discussed with passionate Christians, determined to leave the world different. They are on fire for God... willing to allow God to burn through them. Its so beautiful. I've loved their meetings. Today I went to a meeting for freshmen and sophomores. It was fantastic. I was 20 minutes late, like a true latin, and I really wish I had made it a priority to be there on time. Pat, the speaker, urged us to dream big dreams for this campus. He asked us to envision what it would look like for us to truly believe that "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Are our lives lived in such a way that we point others towards Jesus? Do we encourage others to love him? Are we passionately and intimately in love with Christ?

AHHHH. It was so great :) On the way home I talked with a girl named Jackie, a sophomore. We talked about theology. It was refreshing.

Oh, and tonight there was a giant capture the flag game going on... I began talking to an intern for Cru. She asked me one short question: "What do you love about Colombia?" Haha. The answer wasn't quite as short as the question. Wow. I believe that there is a strong movement in Colombia... the Holy Spirit is moving and lives are being transformed. Broken people experience the love of Christ in such a real, tangible way. I watched a video by Aaron Gillespie. He spoke of an encounter with God in Africa while experiencing an African church service. The people there worship God for one reason: they worship him because he IS. That's it. He exists and that's enough. I want to experience this kind of worship... this awe of who God is.

[[Its in the darkness where Christ's love shines brightest]]