Dry Bones

I feel as though I am on a journey.
A long one.
Through the Valley of Dry Bones.

I feel the heat and notice as it drains the energy from my body. I look around and notice that the terrain on my left is so... the same... as the terrain on my right. I can't quite see the end of this Valley and the way up seems much too steep to climb up. Oh yeah, and the dry bones. That's all I see. The dry bones; they serve as the reminder of something that was living... alive... breathing and feeling... a long time ago. The bones that look so useless, so helpless and so wasted.

I step into the biblical pages of Ezekiel 37 and I can almost hear God ask, "Son of Man, can these bones live?"

Can they? My heart longs to  leap up with faith and claim that, yes, yes they can. But my eyes re-focus on the bones around me and I'm filled with discouragement. But clearly, telling God that no, they cannot live feels... wrong. So I sigh... only you know, O Sovereign LORD.

This season of long waiting for my visa has arrived. I have begun the fourth week and the dreariness has hit me-- full force. The minutes drag into hours which eventually drag into days and nothing feels urgent, because well, I can always do it tomorrow. I struggle to get out of bed, to shower, to change into different clothes. I keep my eyes wearily on the clock, hoping that Lucas will come home soon. And I lie awake while Lucas sleeps beside me, knowing that I can't possibly be tired at 10:00 when I crawled out of bed that morning at 9 am.

I'm struggling to trust God's timing, God's providence and God's goodness. I get hit with waves of strong emotions. I feel wasted, empty and useless. I get caught up in regrets, wishing that I had somehow figured out the visa process sooner. Wishing that if only I had tried harder, then maybe the visa would be here by now. Instead, I shrink away from the horrific reality of knowing that the completed visa application is sitting in my bedroom, waiting to be sent off.

Oh, I know the things that would make this better. I could go for a run, go outside and get some fresh air. I could listen to some sermons, read interesting books and pick up all kinds of fancy hobbies. Yet, I can't seem to find the motivation to do any of those. Its not in me anymore.

My heart yearns for Ezekiel's vision to come true in my life. I want to see these bones come to life-- a vast army. I want to experience and feel God's power beckoning me to life, to purpose, to meaning. And so I cling to hope in the Sovereign LORD.  Surely he who brought me to this valley will sustain me through it.

Not Much To Do...

Today marks the third week I've spent at home since camp ended. I've been able to read, work out, rest, doze off, enjoy cooking and catch up on things around the house. I've certainly enjoyed the flexibility and the freedom to get to things "tomorrow" when they didn't get done "today."

But I've also become anxious to do things. I want to interact with people and leave the house and well, you know... do things.

This week I spent quite a bit of time looking up some volunteer organizations and seeing if any positions sounded like something I'd be interested in. I'm hoping to start seeing some things come together next week.

But for now, I am trying to rest and wait in this season. I'm trying to figure out what exactly God wants me to learn as I have very little to do. I want to enjoy it and see how he will prepare me for what ever ministry he wants me to get involved with.

Hi, its me again!

It's been a long time since I've ventured on to this blog. Every week that has gone by has made me more and more hesitant to log back on.

At first, I was too busy adjusting from my time in Morocco. Then, I was too busy with wedding planning. Next, I was too busy actually getting married and then honeymooning and then house shopping and then working and, and, and...

But the last three months have been monumental.

I've gotten married, graduated from university and moved to Canada.

The changes have been enormous and I feel like I scarcely have enough time to think about them-- much less process them.

But now, I have a long year ahead of me. A year of waiting on Citizenship and Immigration Canada. A year of adjusting to life here. A year of navigating the life of a newlywed. Yes, I have many things to look forward to and will definitely need to hop on here more often to try and make sure I'm processing and reflecting frequently enough.

So, here I am.

I'm back :]