They sat sobbing on the steps of Greg Hall. My heart swelled with compassion-- just not enough to stop. Besides, I was already late to Arabic class. My mind swam with questions wondering why these two girls were so broken... why were they crying? My pace slowed until I couldn't bring myself to put one leg in front of the other. I had to go back.
I had to.
And do what? I wasn't sure... they probably wouldn't want to talk, I tried to convince myself to just keep going. But I couldn't. Before I knew it, I was walking away from Arabic class toward these two girls. I came up to them and simply asked, "Hi guys. Is there anything I can do for you? Can I help in anyway?" They shook their heads and burst into a new set of tears.
I set my backpack down and sat on the steps with them. The tears flowed from a pained heart-- a raw heart.
"Our friend from home just died... brain damage... car accident..."
I sucked in a breath and placed my hand on her back. At my touch, a fresh round of tears erupted. I sat with them... mostly in quiet... at times responding to their comments. Not sure how long it was... could have been minutes, could have been a quarter of an hour, they stood up and said they were going to head back home.
In between sobs they thanked me and turned to leave.
My heart twisted inside. I wish I could have done something... they were on my heart all day and I couldn't get them out of my mind.
I turned and headed toward Arabic class.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Hugging Students?
"What's your name," she loudly whispered across the carpet. I smiled, "Miss Viviana. Pay attention to Miss Lowe!" I was attempting to help maintain order during second grade library time with Miss Lowe. It generally doesn't go so well. Today wasn't an exception to the norm. I sat on a corner of the library rug and had three girls leaning against me. I wasn't sure if Miss Lowe was okay with them leaning on me, but I figured if they were quiet, she wouldn't mind too much.
Meanwhile, other kids were crawling around, giggling, yelling and jumping up and down. I couldn't wrap my head around the chaos. Why did it always feel so chaotic during library time?
I found myself calling kids names and putting my finger to my lips constantly. Those who sat around me quieted down fairly quickly, but it was hard to keep them sitting still. They usually got bored of the book or the lesson and would stand up and start jumping around.
As the young girls leaned on me, it occurred to me that they weren't so different from my precious Recycler's kids in Colombia. Here at Booker T. Washington, 93% of the kids live below the poverty level. Virtually all of them have free lunches and most have free breakfasts as well. One girl was showing off her "new" shoes to me... given to her by a ministry that gives clothes away to impoverished families. The way the girls leaned into me and rubbed my legs, I knew that they craved that healthy physical touch as well. Many lack affection and don't have stable homes to come home to every day.
I just wanted to pick them all up and give them huge hugs. Several of them tried climbing into my lap, but I was slightly uneasy... I figured that here, in the USA, in a school... I wouldn't be allowed to hug and hold kids in my lap.
However, later, one girl ended up bawling and she ran out of the library. I followed her and found her crumpled on the floor. I said her name and gently told her to come toward me. She came near and when she felt my arms were willing to hug her, she released and sobbed into my lap. I just held her and tried figuring out the "right" way to handle this. Eventually we talked through it and figured out what was going on and she was able to rejoin the group.
I love my kids so much and I just want to give them all hugs. I want to play games with them. I want to color with them and cuddle them when they cry. I want to let them play with my hair and I want to help them understand their math homework. Gah. I really love them, but I'm trying to figure out how to connect with them at a deeper level within a school setting.
Meanwhile, other kids were crawling around, giggling, yelling and jumping up and down. I couldn't wrap my head around the chaos. Why did it always feel so chaotic during library time?
I found myself calling kids names and putting my finger to my lips constantly. Those who sat around me quieted down fairly quickly, but it was hard to keep them sitting still. They usually got bored of the book or the lesson and would stand up and start jumping around.
As the young girls leaned on me, it occurred to me that they weren't so different from my precious Recycler's kids in Colombia. Here at Booker T. Washington, 93% of the kids live below the poverty level. Virtually all of them have free lunches and most have free breakfasts as well. One girl was showing off her "new" shoes to me... given to her by a ministry that gives clothes away to impoverished families. The way the girls leaned into me and rubbed my legs, I knew that they craved that healthy physical touch as well. Many lack affection and don't have stable homes to come home to every day.
I just wanted to pick them all up and give them huge hugs. Several of them tried climbing into my lap, but I was slightly uneasy... I figured that here, in the USA, in a school... I wouldn't be allowed to hug and hold kids in my lap.
However, later, one girl ended up bawling and she ran out of the library. I followed her and found her crumpled on the floor. I said her name and gently told her to come toward me. She came near and when she felt my arms were willing to hug her, she released and sobbed into my lap. I just held her and tried figuring out the "right" way to handle this. Eventually we talked through it and figured out what was going on and she was able to rejoin the group.
I love my kids so much and I just want to give them all hugs. I want to play games with them. I want to color with them and cuddle them when they cry. I want to let them play with my hair and I want to help them understand their math homework. Gah. I really love them, but I'm trying to figure out how to connect with them at a deeper level within a school setting.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
"Should I not be concerned about this great city?"
[[Thoughts and reflections about today's sermon]]
Perhaps Jonah chapter 4 is one of the weirdest chapters in the Bible. Here we have Jonah, a prophet, angry because God relented and turned his wrath away and was gracious and compassionate. And then, when God allows a big leafy plant to grow up and provide Jonah with shade, and then just as quickly, withers the plant, Jonah is furious. And this whole time God was just trying to get Jonah to be concerned about 120,000 "Ninevites" living in spiritual darkness. I can almost picture God saying, "JONAH!!!! I'm trying to show you my desperate concern for these people who are so lost... and what are you concerned about?"
Ahhh... aren't we like Jonah too often? Hopefully we aren't ANGRY when God is merciful, but its way too easy to get caught up with this inward focus and with our concerns and our comforts and our wants and our desires and our "needs" and meanwhile, God is inviting us to join him. He wants us to be concerned about the lost around us... to love them... to be burdened for them.
I love this sooo much. It really is so convicting. What am I concerned about and distracted with while God is jumping up and down, waving, trying to get my attention and capture my heart to transform it into one that reflects his for the lost? And what about your great city? My great city? The great city where God has placed you... what of that city? Where is your heart?
What if God were trying to tell us of his desperate concern for the lost and then turned and asked us, "What have you been concerned about?
Maybe God was just as concerned about saving Ninevah as he was determined to rescue Jonah from his own selfishness. Maybe the 120,000 people in Ninevah were a way of getting Jonah to see God's heart. And that, that... is just so encouraging to me. God isn't simply in the business of saving souls "out there," but he's also so interested in transforming lives "in here"... in the Church. And I simply love that.
Perhaps Jonah chapter 4 is one of the weirdest chapters in the Bible. Here we have Jonah, a prophet, angry because God relented and turned his wrath away and was gracious and compassionate. And then, when God allows a big leafy plant to grow up and provide Jonah with shade, and then just as quickly, withers the plant, Jonah is furious. And this whole time God was just trying to get Jonah to be concerned about 120,000 "Ninevites" living in spiritual darkness. I can almost picture God saying, "JONAH!!!! I'm trying to show you my desperate concern for these people who are so lost... and what are you concerned about?"
Ahhh... aren't we like Jonah too often? Hopefully we aren't ANGRY when God is merciful, but its way too easy to get caught up with this inward focus and with our concerns and our comforts and our wants and our desires and our "needs" and meanwhile, God is inviting us to join him. He wants us to be concerned about the lost around us... to love them... to be burdened for them.
I love this sooo much. It really is so convicting. What am I concerned about and distracted with while God is jumping up and down, waving, trying to get my attention and capture my heart to transform it into one that reflects his for the lost? And what about your great city? My great city? The great city where God has placed you... what of that city? Where is your heart?
What if God were trying to tell us of his desperate concern for the lost and then turned and asked us, "What have you been concerned about?
Maybe God was just as concerned about saving Ninevah as he was determined to rescue Jonah from his own selfishness. Maybe the 120,000 people in Ninevah were a way of getting Jonah to see God's heart. And that, that... is just so encouraging to me. God isn't simply in the business of saving souls "out there," but he's also so interested in transforming lives "in here"... in the Church. And I simply love that.
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