What if?

And some days I get very antsy.

I don't want to wait to get prepared and get trained and to finish schooling. I don't want to wait until then when there are people suffering now.

I've had plenty of spare time the last couple of days, so I've decided to listen to speakers or sermons each day. I've been extremely inspired the last two days. I stumbled upon the videos from Passion2012 and watched Francis Chan urging the church to just do it now. We have to act now. Just do what the Bible says... and do it now. And then today I watched Christine Caine talk about how her life had been interrupted and how we as Christians have been rescued... that Christ died for freedom, so that we can go help others find that freedom. And we need to do it... now.

She told a story of a Russian girl they rescued from a brothel in Eastern Europe. The girl asked why they had come; Christine told her about this loving God who rescued her and has sent Christians into the world to be light in the darkness. And she went on for a little bit... until the girl asked her, "If what you say about this God is true, why didn't you come sooner?"

That question sends chills down my spine.

Yes, there will be poor and hungry children when I'm done with school. Yes, there will still be trafficking victims when I'm done and ready to go. Yes, they will still be there.

But what about the ones who are hungry, poor, sick and dying now?

But then another thought stops me in my tracks.

What if when I am done with school and I can go pour out my life to set the the captives free and feed the hungry.... what if I just don't?

I'm not immune to the lure of comfort or the appeal of sin. I'm not. What if I am able to invite the poor over for dinner because it's my own home... but what if I choose not to? What if I get trapped in the mentality of needing to achieve, of needing to improve, of needing to climb this senseless social ladder? What if I believe the lies and forget what is truly eternal? What if I spend my energy, time, creativity on myself instead of pouring it out like a drink offering for God and for others?