Am I Unworthy?

 

He believed it. 

They really read the Bible and believed it. 

Their obedience cost them much.

And will continue to cost them...

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate [...] wife and children [...] cannot be my disciple."

I like to skim over those verses. Or skip them altogether. Or if I can't skip them, then I like to think of hypothetical situations to see what this could look like. But I spent a week in the Brazilian jungle and these verses came alive. I met a man whose name is Jhon and who showed me what this looks like... in real life. No hypothetical situations. He certainly never skipped over those verses.

Jhon and Danelvis have been living in Guanabara 3 for seven years now. They have a beautiful seven-year old girl and a tiny four-month old daughter. Two other women, Marta and Estela, also serve alongside them. They have struggled to adjust to the culture in this Tikuna village, but more than anything, they have struggled with the language barrier. For years they have worked tirelessly to learn this language that will unlock the culture, but the Tikuna people jealously guard their language, believing that knowledge is power and refusing to share this powerful key. They've learned that they've been mislead and purposefully mis-taught words in order to complicate their language learning process. In December, they were just about ready to pack up and go home.

But they stayed. Their calling to the village was no different seven years later, regardless of the frustrating language-learning process.

However, one month ago, they found out that a man they had trusted to come into their home to teach them the language had molested their seven-year old. The sense of betrayal was excruciating. Deep fear began to settle in, knowing that sexual abuse and incest are rampant in this village. Instead of discussing whether or not their daughters' were abused, would they now begin asking how many times?

But still... they have decided to stay. Their calling to the village is no different now, in spite of their daughter's abuse.

Insane? Absolutely.

What could possibly drive a couple to continue living in this hazardous environment? What could possibly allow them to sacrifice their daughters' well-being? How could they choose to raise a family and establish a life for themselves in this village?

A living hope in Jesus. A strong belief in the truth that every life is precious... not just his daughter's, not just his wife's, not just his friends'... but every single life. The safety and protection of the children in this village matters to him... matters deeply.

Emotionally speaking, this decision makes no sense. We are talking about his daughter. The idea of a "good parent" is turned on its head. How is Jhon being a "good husband?" But I believe that when Jesus tells us to love our neighbours it will come at a great personal cost... we aren't to love them less than ourselves, than our families. So, if Jhon simply packed up and left (oh, so understandable!), he'd be leaving a village full of vulnerable children and women who cannot simply leave because their home is home to rape, incest and child abuse.

Jhon and Danelvis know what it means to hate your family in comparison to how much you love Jesus. This passage isn't asking people to actually hate their families, but simply to love them less than they love Jesus; it is language used to illustrate priorities, a hierarchy. Read this short article for a more detailed explanation.

But didn't I pray for a man like Jhon? One who would love Jesus more than he could ever love me? Oh, and God has been faithful and given me a man more in love with Jesus than I could ever imagine! But loving Jesus more than loving me, doesn't mean he'll protect me at all costs because of Jesus. It doesn't mean he'll fight for my comfort because of his faith in Jesus. It doesn't mean that we'll raise a good, Christian family and live a good, comfortable life because Jesus is his "priority."

It means-- in a very real way-- that everything is on the altar. Anything, anywhere, anytime. It's all on the table, and nothing is withheld. Not my health, not my sanity, not my well-being, not my security... not my life. It's all there.

Feeling good about this is not the point. My emotions don't always connect to my faith immediately. My emotions are volatile, manipulative, insecure and ultimately, selfish. My emotions cannot drive my faith.

Hating my family in comparison to how much I love Jesus is a prerequisite to being a disciple, not the final exam to see if I really am. Jesus didn't bait-and-switch people into following him; he was up-front and told the crowds who were interested in following him that forsaking family, friends, comfort, and even life, was required to follow him. He encouraged the crowds to count the cost before following, and many turned, knowing that the cost was too great for them. If you want to hear a great sermon on the this topic, check this one out by David Platt.

Loving my family more than Jesus means I am unworthy of him.

It's hard to always come up with a tangible application... a real-life scenario where I can say, "That's what that looks like!"

But Jhon showed me one very real option.

NOTE: I am in no way advocating child abuse; I am in strong opposition of vulnerable children being exploited. In my original post I didn't mention the precautions that Jhon and his family are taking to minimize the risk to their daughters. They are currently saving up money to build a large fence around their property, so that the only way someone can enter their home is through the front door. They are saving up to buy a boat so that they can have means of evacuating, should the situation intensify in any way. They have stopped working with the language tutor and are finding ways to teach their daughters more about abuse. They live in a village where rape, incest and child abuse are very real. They are seeking to change the village culture surrounding sexuality in order to prevent abuse to the village women and children. They are not deliberately offering up their daughter to be abused.

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