"I'm in the butthole of the Earth!"

She stumbled over a rock and nearly fell over. I stifled a laugh and took a breath before asking, "Steph! Are you ok?" Allison, however, couldn't keep the laugh in as Stephanie answered:
"No, Viviana! I'm not ok! I'm in the butthole of the Earth. I almost fell over. We lost your parents. I'm hungry and I'm tired. I'm not ok! Is that what you wanted to know?"
At this point, I about died laughing. As I looked around me, realization started setting in. We really were in the middle of nowhere. All I could see were the Andes mountains surrounding me, and I couldn't even mentally place where I was on a map...

So where exactly is this "butthole?" Let's back up just a bit...

Spring break. A whole week off of school. Paradise, I know. My parents love travelling so they began thinking of an excellent trip for this spring break. What they came up with? Packing up and jumping into the car for a road trip south of Bogota: Huila, Colombia.


We left Bogota on Friday, April 3 and drove about four hours away to break the trip up. The next morning we continued driving and had some car troubles on the way. After a couple of hours we came upon a dirt road which we had to travel for two or three hours.
I absolutely loved this part of our journey =) My dad let me drive through the Tatacoa Desert and we were on a mission to get the car as dirty and muddy as possible. The result? An extremely bumpy car ride with Steph, Allison and my mom clutching each other in the back seat.
The scenery was absolutely amazing. Simply gorgeous. Red, orange and brown rock formations scattered the horizon. Where there weren't rocks, the Andes Mountains stood out in the background. Basically, we took two hours driving through one of the most beautiful places I have seen.
That night we stayed in a cheap "cabin" in the middle of the desert. Suggestion: If you ever get the chance to go to the Tatacoa, DO NOT STAY IN THESE CABINS. The bugs were vicious and the heat was unbearable. Thankfully, we were planning on leaving early the next morning so the night didn't seem so long.
In the morning we had the chance to go swimming in a natural swimming pool in the middle of a desert. Go figure. I've never been swimming anywhere in such a strange surrounding. Rock formations surrounded us, as we swam in a spring, in a desert. Strange, but incredible.

Then... we were off to our next destination: Tierradentro.
This place is known for the archaeological sites it has. But first, we had to drive 40 km into this remote village. I know 40 kilometers doesn't seem like much, but let's just put it like this: Driving these 40 km took us three hours. These were by far the worst roads I have EVER driven on. As a Colombian, that's saying a TON! The more we wound through the mountains on a dirt road, the more I felt like I had no idea on Earth where I was. While we were driving there were a couple minutes of silence until my dad broke the silence with hysterical laughter. We kept asking him why he was laughing, until in broken English he spat out, "We're in the butthole of the Earth."
The phrase stuck.
Finally we arrived. Tierradentro was gorgeous. It was a small town (merely 3000 residents) nestled in the heart of the Andes. The people were so open and friendly. It was simply beautiful. That night, as we were walking to dinner, the whole Stephanie-tripping-on-a-rock episode happened. It was quite entertaining =) Sunday night was an early to bed night because the next morning we'd be hiking around exploring some tombs.

Early Monday morning we visited the archaeological museums in town before heading up the mountain. Soon we were heading up on a 30 minute hike to a small plateau. Up there, the view was breath-taking. The mountains were overwhelming. This wasn't just a "Oh wow. Look at the mountain" kind of moment. It was a "Holy dang. There are LAYERS of mountains." Once we admired God's creation for some time, we began climbing into ancient Indian tombs. It was fascinating.

And once again, we were off to our next stop: San Agustin.

So we embarked on our three-hour bumpy car ride once again. And once again, it was indescribably gorgeous.

San Agustin: Archaeological capital of Colombia.
After several hours of driving we finally arrive in San Agustin. The hotel we stayed in was clean and the mattresses were heavenly compared to our last couple of nights. I slept wonderfully on Monday night.

Tuesday morning was absolutely fantastic: horseback riding AND STEPH'S BIRTHDAY!
When the guide pointed me to my hourse, I must say, I was a little disappointed. It was sort of small and didn't look like it enjoyed speed at all. Boy, was I ever wrong!
My horse (named Gasoline) was fiesty and loved competition. Bahaha. Needless to say, I enjoyed myself tremendously. We began riding through the mountains, stopping at places where they had found old indian statues. It was fascinating and beautiful at the same time. Allison and I had tons of fun racing through the dirt roads near San Agustin. After five long hourse, we finally dismounted our horses and limped back to the hotel.



Not long after, we all climbed back into the car and headed off to see El Salto de Bordones, the talles waterfall in Colombia, which happens to be the second tallest in all of South America.
On the way, Steph asked if she could have guinea pig for lunch (a typical meal in Huila). My parents thought it was fitting for the birthday girl to chose her own lunch, so they agreed. Allison was horrified. I was slightly bewildered, but slightly intrigued. Upon arrival, my dad started joking around with the restaurant owner (surprise, surprise) and asked if Steph could pick out her own lunch... choose the doomed guinea pig. The owner said of course she could. It was only natural. Soon, he brought Steph a white sack with two guinea pigs in it. Before long, the poor guinea pig was on its way to death. As if that's not enough... My dad asked if Steph could be the one to kill it. A simple nod was all it took. Steph turned and asked if I'd be willing to videotape the whole ordeal and I politely declined. Allison began to lose color in her face. My dad agreed to film the process. Allison and I went back to our seats and tried to think of happier thoughts... like marshmellows and chocolate, but to no avail: we could hear everything. The three whacks on the head of the guinea pig. The scraping off of the fur. It really was traumatizing. And then poor Allison... she had guinea pigs as pets!
Then back came Steph... and soon afterwards the guinea pig. We tried convincing Allison to take a bite and finally did. Trust me, it wasn't easy. Then of course, I had to try some as well... Not bad, actually.

Wow. Long detour... So, anyway!

The waterfall was gorgeous :)It took us another two hours of driving on dirt roads to get there. Crazy thing was, I started to think about how many other forgotten places like these were in this world? This clearly wasn't the only "butthole" that existed. How many other hidden corners of exotic beauty existed that few eyes ever had the privelage of seeing? When I think of the answers to those questions, I can only come up with one conclusion. God really did create ALL of this simply to display his glory. Crazy, huh? And half the time, we're too busy to even notice it.

The next morning (Wednesday, I believe), my mom and I headed off to visit an archeaolgical park that had hundreds of ancient statues. It was a lot of fun and it was quite fascinating :)

After that, we departed and began driving home. Thirteen hours later, I was home.