The Shape of a Snowflake

Swirling snowflakes had a strangely calming effect on me as I watched them surrender to gravity. Down they came, always falling and always gracefully. I wanted to stop time; a moment suspended in the vast blur of scenes in life. For a moment, I half-believed it was suspended.

As we killed time in our room, Tyler, Chrissy and I eagerly awaited the first snow fall. The weather forecast had predicted 2:00 am, but God had a lovely surprise in store... beautiful snow flurries half past midnight. I quickly donned on my winter clothing and slid my feet into my first pair of boots. Before I knew it, we were out the door and surrounded by a softened world. White powdery beauty enveloped familiar scenery... and yet it was so different.

Don't get me wrong... I've seen snow before, yet this time it was different. I giggled and squirmed, refusing to stand still out of fear I'd miss something. We ran around outside, fully embracing winter in all its beauty.

I suddenly felt like I was flipping through magazines and had stopped at a beautiful picture. Soon, I was cutting out the memory to hang on my fridge-- a catalyst for a string of warm, fuzzy memories... a thread woven into this fabric of life.

When we got back to our room, Tyler opened a piece of candy and in the wrapper it said, "Joy is contagious." I smiled. She said, "Look, its in the shape of a snowflake."

And that it was... the candy wrapper was the shape of a snowflake.

Or maybe it was joy in the shape of a snowflake...

The Ocean of His Grace

"Nothing whatever pertaining to godliness and real holiness can be accomplished without grace." -Augustine

Grace... I've heard about it my entire life. I could give you several definitions and acronyms attempting to capture what exactly grace is. We're told we're saved by grace, sanctified through grace and even allowed admittance into heaven through grace. Grace is the gasoline to the Christian life.

Yet, why do I stray from it so quickly? Why do I abandon a critical part of my faith so easily?

Though people often tend to stray towards the libertarianism perspective on grace-- using it as a license to sin-- I've recently found myself disregarding it. Choosing to live in legalism instead of freedom.

Why?

I know I'm saved by and through grace. What makes me think I'm made righteous through my own efforts? Really, I don't know... Is it pride? Do I want to "pay back" Christ for what he has done through my hard and selfless efforts? Is it comfort? Are rules simply easier-- less messy-- to keep than living by grace? Is it shame? I can't accept Christ's grace without feeling unmistakable shame? Is it my untiring drive to be busy? Christ offered me grace because of my depravity and not surprisingly, I find my own depravity trying to get rid of it... to erase my need for grace. I revert to my tendency to DO, to ACCOMPLISH, to COMPLETE. Yet, this mentality has no place in Christianity. Other religions focus on what we must do and Christ focuses on what has been done already.

In the last five months, God has been shattering my previous perspective on grace. He's broken down misconceived notions on what grace is and what it does for me. In the process of breaking that perspective, I cling to rules or guidelines or boundaries... to keep me from needing grace? When his grace was no longer something I solely needed at the moment of conversion, I found myself in the murky waters of my deceitful heart, my passionate desires, his unfailing love, his unfathomable grace and his undeniable call for holiness. Murky waters, indeed.

This summer God really opened my eyes to how much I need his grace now. It wasn't a one time deal; its a long journey in which I need to constantly walk hand in hand with him, gathering all my strength from his grace. Since August, I've become painfully aware of areas in my life in which I'm not living in his grace... areas in which I don't fully believe that his grace is sufficient.

My grace is sufficient for you.

If you know me at all, you've probably heard me quote this verse dozens of times when referring to my headaches. I've kind of claimed this verse for my life in that area. God has chosen not to heal me right now and so I've learned that his grace can be sufficient-- I don't need healing to live glorifying him through this physical weakness.

But the funny thing about Christianity is that God isn't concerned about transforming ONE area of my life... he wants all of it. My sinful parts, my beautiful parts, my broken parts, my healed parts. He wants them all.

Sigh. My sinful parts. My broken parts.

Flannery O'Conner once said, "The way to avoid Jesus is to avoid sin." Whaat? Yeah... read it again. No... its not a typo. Why do I think that if I can just get "good enough" I can avoid crawling to Jesus, broken because of my sin? I tried to make Jesus' sacrifice obsolete by "improving" myself enough to not need rescuing. Why do I revert to moralism?

Oh, good Jesus, why?

This last year I had fallen into a vicious cycle of moralism. I would "mess up" and in my desperate desire to make things right, I'd scramble together some sort of commitment or a new set of rules to ensure myself from slipping once again. Instead of turning to Jesus... coming back-- or more like crawling back-- to the cross... I'd come up with a list of new things to do. They tended to start with "resolved" and ended with "ever again." Ah, epic fail. I was fighting battles of the flesh with the flesh. That doesn't work so well...

In my futile attempt to keep from sinning (I'm not even sure if that's the correct word to use... maybe "being stupid" works better) , I began to avoid Jesus-- I failed to recognize my desperate need for him.

Ah, what a tragedy.

I figured I had moved past the Gospel. Been there, done that. Yet... I can never move past the Gospel. It is the heartbeat, the pulse, the lifeline, the gasoline... it is everything.

And now... now I'm repenting at a whole different level than simply what I did... the repentance that flows from the deepest waters of my heart... waters that were strong enough to break down moralism. I've fallen from my place of instituting more rules to "protect me"... and learning how to swim in the ocean of his grace.

The Not-so-sweet Victory

"Who are we?"

"B-E!"

"What do we do?"

"DESTROY!"

For the last couple of weeks, I've been playing flag football with the girls in my dorm. We've been practicing for the annual flag football game against LAR-- the other all-girls dorm on campus. From the beginning I've been amused by the competitiveness the coaches (two RAs) exuded. I mostly was there because I miss playing sports and because, I must admit, I want to learn to understand football. Oh, the fabulous thing about flag football is that I've now met several girls in my dorm who LOVE basketball. Bonus =].

So, I've begun to learn a little more about football. I think I understand downs. I'm positive I know what a touch down is. I'm still confused about knowing what side you're on and who gets the ball when... but hey, its an improvement.

Yesterday was our game. We looked fierce with torn-up black shirts and red handprints on our faces. I was really excited, though I was still nervous about actually playing football, since I don't think I've ever watched an entire game.

When we got to the field LAR instantly began doing cheers about how they were the best and how they were going to destroy us. I thought it was a joke and was quite amused. We began warming up and practicing a bit, and I could tell that the girls on my team were ready to actually destroy someone. Before the game started we cheered nice and loudly the words at the beginning of this post. I actually felt a little bit uncomfortable, but I let it slide.

The game started and we had possession first. I played defense so I watched uneasily from the sidelines. After a touchdown (yeah, we scored right away =]) it was my turn to get on the field. We kept pulling the flags off the girls RIGHT AFTER they had passed 10 yards, so unfortunately, they eventually got a touch-down. This won't come to a surprise to any of you, but I realized how difficult it is to pull flags off without falling. Hahaha. Actually though, I got beat up (but yes, I got some flags =]).

During this part of the game, the other team's coach (an RA from LAR) and our coach got into an argument. They were yelling and when they finally stopped, tension was thick in the air. I, of course, was uncomfortable. The game continued and the tension continued to thicken between the two teams. Everyone was rude to each other. Competitiveness was no longer fun. My team looked for ways to make their belt hard to pull off. The other team gave us dirty looks (I'm sure they were returned).

We ended up winning, which was exciting... but for me, victory didn't taste that sweet. I didn't enjoy how rude our team had been. I hated feeling like we had walked over the other team. I hated our victory chants after winning. I mostly stayed silent. I didn't want to rub our win in their faces... yet thats all my team wanted to do. I guess, I'm going through another form of culture shock? At ECA I really learned how to play with good sportsmanship. I considered myself competitive, yet now, I'm not sure that's a good adjective for me. I would rather lose than win and be rude to the other team. I would rather lose than cheat to get there.

God's Embrace

Loneliness is God's cry for intimacy with us.

Maybe so, but that doesn't make loneliness any easier to deal with. I'm in that awkward stage of relationships where I have plenty of acquaintances, but not enough friends. There are plenty of girls I can have fun with, but I don't the the depth I so intensely desire. And then there are those who I only have deep conversations with, yet having fun seems to be an issue. Thankfully, Chrissy and Tyler are truly friends. I'm able to laugh and be silly with them and I'm also able to get down and talk about difficult things. They really are a blessing in my life. 

I was on Cru's Fall Getaway this weekend.

Anyway, Fall Getaway... we had a fantastic speaker who reminded us of the Gospel. It was challenging and convicting. I had plenty of things to think about with God. Grace was beautiful once again. And yet, I didn't enjoy Fall Getaway. I was lonely. I was surrounded by people, I was even with some people I knew. I didn't really meet any new people. I wasn't refreshed by challenging conversations. I left without feeling the "community" that I was searching for.

Time. These things take time. Relationships have generally been one of my strengths; making friends isn't generally difficult. I forget that these things take time. I've begun to impatiently tap my foot and silently wonder, "Why is this taking so long, God?"

This loneliness has also made me realize how much I love my guy friendships elsewhere. I must say, I haven't made any guy friends here yet. Again, plenty of acquaintances, yet no friends. I wonder how long it will take for me to have friends who make fun of me, who challenge me to dumb competitions, who listen to me, who make me laugh... who are like brothers. If you're one those guys in my life... thank you. Know that I miss you terribly.

A hurting heart is hard to take to God. Why? I'm not sure. But its hard. And yet, I've had to push past the difficulty and lay it at his feet again and again. When I'm craving deep friendships, and hugs and fellowship, I can ask God to fill that desire with himself-- with his presence.

Last night was quite difficult. As I cried and talked to one of my friends, he said something...

"Viv, I wish I could hug you right now. But let God hug you. His hug is enough."

The Hunger of Humanity

Belonging.

It's a natural desire... the desire to fit in, to put roots in. But I've found myself struggling with two conflicting... desires? fears? The desire to belong here... and then the fear of becoming American and losing Colombia. I'm not going to lie... its been hard. I feel like I'm moving forward and accepting living here, in America, and then I fear that I'm losing Colombia-- that I didn't love it enough. I know that this is a lie, but its one of those... comforting lies.

Life is starting to feel... normal. I feel like the foreigner less and less, yet I often find myself trying to prove that I'm still not from America. Why? I don't even know... its as if differentiating myself will set me apart in values, morals and world views. I guess, in a way it does. But that can't be enough. Instead of trying to show I'm "different" I should focus on living differently. Besides WHO am I trying to differentiate myself from? I've met incredibly passionate American Christians here who love God with everything they are and all that they have. I'm learning to see past the American stereotype... I'm learning to adjust my prejudices.

My mom visited a couple of weeks ago. It was a fabulous weekend. It was nice to simply talk to someone who KNOWS me. I didn't find myself having to "contextualize" my life for her. She didn't need an explanation for my choosing U of I... or for my English fluency... or my non-Colombian appearance. She didn't need to ask if I spoke Spanish. She didn't wonder how I could be friends with my teachers in high school. She wasn't curious as to what poverty looked like in Colombia. She knew me and could talk to me and listen to me with all that in mind. It was refreshing. I hadn't realized how exhausting "contextualizing" had become. Granted, now that I'm finishing my eighth week here at U of I, many people know these things already... but still, it isn't the same. I still feel like there's a huge part of me they'll never know unless they go to Colombia. And there's truth to that... they never will.

I've been looking for a church to get involved with. The one church I was hesitant to visit is now the one church I'm most considering attending. Funny how God works things out. Twin City Bible Church is a church on campus within walking distance. I ended up going on Sunday because I had no other ride to a different church. I loved the sermon. I met a family from Honduras. It was exciting. That Sunday they talked to all the new students about opportunities to get involved. I've been attending a book discussion and the youth pastor is already contacting me for ways of helping out with youth ministries there. Continue praying with me as I make the final decision.

My eyes have been opened to a whole new realm of ministry. A ministry in which my hands and knees don't get dirty. A ministry in which I have nothing of material value to give. A ministry that is often disregarded-- or at least, I have often disregarded it. This is the ministry of college students. The brokenness is overwhelming. God's changed my perspective. Everywhere I look, I see souls in need of Jesus. My senses are hyperactive trying to gauge where this person stands in relation to my Savior.

Yes, I miss the ministry to the poor that I was able to be a part of in Colombia. Yes, I get extremely homesick when I see pictures of "my kids" in various ministries back home. Yes, I wish there were homeless people around who I could buy meals for... but, I'm being broken down and amazed at the new ministry before me.

"Do you really believe that Jesus came to change the world? Tell me, do you actually believe that? Do you believe that is love is enough to conquer hatred and pain? Do you? Do you believe in the bread of life who came from heaven to feed the hunger of humanity? Tell me, do you believe that?"

Blurred Time.

"EIGHT FORTY-EIGHT?!" I sat up so abruptly that I startled Chrissy.
She gave me a knowing and somewhat sympathetic smile, "Did you have class?"

I did. I had class at 9:00. And it was a 10 minute walk... on a good day. I groaned and rolled over. I did not want to get into the habit of skipping class, but then again, sleeping in sounded close to heavenly. BUT I missed one class last week because I decided to take a nap, but forgot to change my alarm from AM to PM. I couldn't skip another class-- especially not one with eight people in it (seriously).

Tyler (my very responsible roommate) woke up and gave me a stern mom tone of voice, "Get up NOW. Run to your class. GO!"

I figured she was probably a lot wiser than I was. I climbed down from my bunk, put a different t-shirt on and decided that my basketball shorts would be just fine. With a granola bar in hand and my backpack thrown together, I ran out the door at 8:53.

I made it on time, but the bad news is that I missed a different class that same day. Wow. I really need to figure my schedule out.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Weeks are starting to blur now... I feel like they just roll in and through and then out again. Four weeks now... I guess I've realized-- or perhaps re-realized-- how adaptive we are as humans. This life feels normal now. I've created habits and routines. I've established patterns and I get used to walking past the same people day after day. I feel like I was just updating this blog, but then I realize... its been a week. Ahh, time.

I've embraced new "American habits," if you will. Bear with me.

- Chrissy introduced me to the TV show Pushing Daisies. However, they don't show it anymore, so she has access to both seasons. We started watching from season 1. My first experience was around 1 am, earphones plugged into her laptop, and desperate attempts to stifle giggles as Tyler dreamed on... So, yeah. With that said, I love the show. We've started watching and episode (or two) every night. Its become a bonding experience (ok, so maybe I'm justifying it a little bit). But in all honesty, we've opened the door and random girls have come and joined us.

- Ice cream. Oh, ice cream. Chrissy decided to stash ice cream in our freezer. I wish I was kidding, but right now-- as I type-- there are four pints of ice cream in our freezer. I'm pretty sure that there are four empty ones in the garbage as well. Wow. Who would have thought. I used to think I was a healthy eater. Perhaps not.

Yeah, I think my Americanization ends there =).

I'm still having issues with my bank. For those of you who don't know... I've had a series of complications ranging from an invalid pin to an invalid card, from my name misspelled to an illegible pin request. Basically, I'm sick of this bank... and I'm quickly getting wary of banks in general. I miss getting paid cash. Haha.

(I'm noticing how scattered this post is... sorry :] )

Cru Fall Getaway is coming up at the beginning of October. I'm excited to get away and get to know more people. From what I understand, a couple of hundred people will be going. I'm excitedd :)

Cru has something called Community Groups (CG) on Thursday nights. It's a time to meet in a smaller setting (guys and girls). After a short time of fellowship, we break off into smaller groups and have a Bible study.

Friday night was quite fun. Tyler and I were going to go to a concert that I had seen ads up for. However, when we got there we realized that I had been wrong... and the concert was for Saturday night. Sigh. Instead, we went roller skating

Oh, and of course... my mom's coming to visit next weekend. Woot, woot. It'll be fun showing her around... maybe go ice skating or to a football game or something. We'll see :)

 

Your Grace is Enough

A man goes on the beach and sees that it is covered with starfish that have washed up in the tide. A little boy is walking along, picking them up and throwing them back into the water.
"What are you doing, son?" the man asks. "You see how many starfish there are? You'll never make a difference."
The boy paused thoughtfully, and picked up another starfish and threw it into the ocean.
"It sure made a difference to that one," he said.
- Hawaiian Proverb

Ahh, what a great week. It truly has been fantastic. God is good, God is moving and God is so real.

It really is easy to get depressed or burdened after hearing so many horrifying facts about the brokenness of this world. My international health class gives me plenty of reasons to cry out to God and shake a demanding fist in his face. I've learned too many facts and numbers about the cursed world we live in... a world cursed because of sin.

Did you know that one woman EVERY MINUTE dies during childbirth? Several more are severely injured.
Did you know that Colombia is second only to Sudan in number of displaced refugees due to violence?
Did you know that if you sleep in a bed, keep your food in a fridge and have a roof over your head, then you are in the richest SEVENTY FIVE PERCENT of the world's population?

Yet, this cursed world has a Savior. He has a living, moving, tangible body... his church. And its beautiful and breath-takingingly amazing to be part of it...

Really, I have nothing to say about my classes or the mundane aspects of college this week. I'm just completely overwhelmed by God's grace. His grace is such an incredible aspect-- an idea that has the power to transform lives. He's really been pushing me to new understanding of grace, and truly and honestly, this new understanding has changed my perspective on who God is and what he expects us to be and how he empowers us to do so.

On Sunday I had this fantastic conversation with a girl named Allison who lives on my floor and is also one of my Bible study leaders. We talked about everything and anything. She showed me this one quote about grace... Dietrich Bonhoeffer in The Cost of Discipleship compares two different kinds of grace: cheap grace and costly grace. Its so great that I'm going to share it with you...

That is what we mean by cheap grace, the grace which amounts to the justification of the sin without the justification of the sinner who departs from sin which and from whom sin departs. Cheap grace is not the kind of forgiveness of sin which frees us from the toils of sin. Cheap grace is the grace we bestow on ourselves. [...]

Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which a man must knock.

Such grace is costly because it calls us to follow, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it costs a man his life, and it is grace because it gives a man the only true life. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner. Above all, it is costly because it cost God the life of his Son: 'ye were bought at a price,' and what has cost God much cannot be cheap for us. Above all, it is grace because God did not reckon his Son too dear a price to pay for our life, but delivered him up for us. Costly grace is the Incarnation of God.

Ahhh... grace. The infinite character of God. Too complex for us to ever understand, but near enough to transform us.

And now, for a story-time break ('cause I'm always full of those...)

"Does anyone have a shorter or tighter dress?" she chirped up. My mind started racing as I tried to process what she just said. Yes, I had understood correctly. Before I knew it, I opened my mouth and one single word came out: "Why?" She looked at me and looked at her friend who was definitely more scantily-clad than she was... "I just want to look... sexy." I closed my eyes and prayed that inability to hide what I was thinking would not be evident. I hoped that I could actually keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. I assured her that she looked beautiful (she did).

"That's just it! I always look cute, or beautiful... but I want to look... sexy."

I tried to reason with her, letting her know that she looked stunning and fabulous. It wasn't working. Her shoulders dropped more and more. My heart broke for her. I just wanted to reach out and hug her...

"Hon, you look sexy," Chrissy stepped in. With that, she smiled turned around and went off for a night of partying.

Week Two...

"And if the old ones tell you to... then that means you have to." She lifted the shot of whisky and winked. Everyone else laughed… could I sense some uneasy giggles? I sighed and began anticipating the rugby’s team response to my polite decline to their not-so-optional offer of alcohol. Sure enough, the girl came over and handed me a shot, but I didn’t take it.
“No, thanks.” Smile.
No smile returned. “You kind of have to.”
“No thank you. I don’t drink.”
“If the alumni say so, then you have to… but I’ll let it slide this time.”

Oh, brother. Here we go… College life had to come some time… and so it came: my second Saturday on campus. Oh, and did I mention that I woke up the next morning to a constant rattling at 7:00 am? No, I didn’t. Did I mention that the cause of this rattling was a naked girl? Nope, that must have slipped me by as well… Ok, let me explain…
Sunday morning I was planning on waking up at 8:30. Instead, I woke up to incessant rattling on our doorknob at 7:00. I tried ignoring it until 7:30 (yup, it was still going), but I finally got up. Right before I decided to get up, Tyler mumbled something about a naked girl. I was really confused, but I’m not sure what I was expecting. I peeked through the peep hole, but couldn’t see anything… or anyone—yet our doorknob kept turning as if someone were trying to get in… desperately. Odd.
I unlocked the door and slowly turned the doorknob. Keep in mind that I had just woken up and my cognitive abilities at this point were near zero. Crammed into the corner of the hall was a naked girl. I just stared. No words. Just eye contact. She mumbled something about the wrong room and then looked away awkwardly. I nodded and closed the door. Then I had to pee. She was still there and then she followed me to the bathroom. I went back to my room and got her some clothing, but when I went back into the hallway, she was gone.
And that’s that.

Week two of college completed. And guess what? I love it… every aspect about it—save one: I miss Colombia… a lot. But anyway… that’s another topic for another day, or maybe another paragraph later on in this same post.
I visited a different church this last week and it was really good. I liked a lot and am seriously considering getting involved there. It’s called Redeemer Gospel Church and is a small, new church plant. The community was really welcoming and though small, inter-generational. I enjoyed the sermon and the fellowship. So we’ll see what I end up deciding.
Week two of classes was definitely harder than week one. We all of a sudden had reading assignments due and papers began piling up. I felt that I suddenly had no time for anything… I would read and read… oh and read some more… and still be behind. Odd feeling, since I’ve never experienced this before. Everyone told me that college was reading and I believed them, but it’s differently EXPERIENCING that as opposed to KNOWING that. Also, as everyone also let me know, my peers were at my academic level or higher… usually higher. Classes suddenly seemed more challenging, not necessarily because of my professors, but because of my peers.
I’ll be starting two jobs this month. In the first, I’ll be a soccer ref. Surprising? Yes, most definitely. But hey, it pays well and its really nice hours. Oh, and the only pre-requisite was having played soccer in high school—which I did… sporadically. Anyway, I’ve been hired and my training starts Tuesday and my first game is on Saturday, Sept 11. Thankfully, I’ll be reffing for first graders. Haha. My other job, definitely the primary one, is working as a tutor for America Reads/America Counts. I’ll be working in an elementary or middle school in the area with kids who need extra help. I’m so excited that this is my JOB. I won’t have to work in the dining hall or anything like that… I get to TEACH and do SPORTS. Ah, God is good.
This week was really encouraging, though exhausting. I’ve had extremely significant conversations with Chrissy and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed them. We discussed reality and our perception of it. We discussed humans, their souls and our similarities/differences with animals. We explored the meaning of life and its seeming lack of purpose. She asked me the source of my joy. And even as I write this… several days later, I smile and shiver slightly with goose bumps running down my arms. God is moving :).

Prayer Requests:
1) Energy. I already feel tired… constantly. Now, if you know me at all, then this isn’t a new problem for me. I’m trying to figure out my sleeping schedule, and needless to say, it’s been difficult. But even after naps, I feel drained. Pray that I can find my strength and rest in His presence every morning.
2) Wisdom. I’ve been processing a lot of things recently, and I am struggling to find God’s perspective in some issues. Pray as I work through these with God. I want him to be my guide and I want to hear his still, quiet voice.
3) Joy. I’ve experienced sudden and intense flashes of homesickness this last week. It’s odd because for the first time, going home won’t fix the homesickness—everything will be different. I know that I need to let go and live my current life (which I LOVE), but it’s been hard accepting that it’s… over.
4) Balance. Once again, if you know me, then you knew this was coming. Pray that I would have the necessary wisdom to balance my life. I want to be involved in a Christian ministry but I also want to be involved with a group of non Christians. I want to do well in school, but I want to experience the social life too. It’s a tricky balance.
5) Continue praying for Chrissy and Tyler. I love them :)

The Whirlwind

"Mandatory floor meeting tonight."
"Informational session tonight."
"Large group worship... tonight."

'Nuff said. And I thought high school was busy... phew.

One week ago... a week ago today I was moving into my dorm. Strange how it was only one week ago, yet a world ago. Moving in concluded a chapter of my life and opened a whole new one-- one that I'm so excited to see what God decides to write.

The first couple of days on campus were extremely overwhelming. We had sessions and meetings left and right... and when we weren't at those, there were social activities galore. The problem wasn't finding something to do, it was choosing WHAT to do. I did many of the activities with my roommates (Tyler and Chrissy, for future reference). It was a nice eye-opening to the campus and to college life, but quite frankly, I wasn't making friends... I was simply making acquaintances. Now, if you know me at all, you know that this aggravates me. I hate acquaintances. I can't wait to turn acquaintances into deep friendships. I love that.

Saturday night two girls wandered into our room. Their names? Allison and Sarah. They were so open and friendly. Wait, perhaps friendly isn't the right word... they were truly loving. It didn't take fifteen minutes of conversation for me to wonder if they were Christians. Sure enough, as they stood up to leave they invited us to a Cru (Campus Crusade for Christ) house party. Since they had been such enjoyable company and we didn't have anything better to do, the three of us decided to go.

This house party was odd. The people were odd. Sarah and Allison didn't ditch us upon arrival. They made a conscious effort to make us feel comfortable. Everyone was eager to start conversations and build relationships. Joy and love were abundant. I loved it. Every second of it. Every once in a while

Anyway, during this party I got into a certain conversation with Sarah and a girl named Mary. It was phenomenal. I wanted to talk to them for hours. We discussed the importance of evangelism and allowing Christianity to become a driving force in our lives. It was so encouraging. I wasn't expecting to find Christians this passionate at U of I. Don't ask me why, but for some reason, this caught me off-guard. But I guess off-guard was a good place to start...
Sunday morning I went to church with Sarah and enjoyed it. It was a good day. I was so excited for classes to start. My nerd side was taking over as I found myself getting giddy thinking about classes starting. My roommates probably thought I was insane. That night the three of us really bonded and stayed up talking until 3:00 am. This conversation was hard for me to have... Thoughts raced through my head and I had a hard time thinking on my feet. Our bonding conversation was the typical guy conversation. As we talked I kept trying to figure out how to talk about the opposite sex with non-christians. This became difficult for me to process. I kept trying to think of ways to bring in my morals and my values, yet still seem human to them. It was a great conversation, though.

Monday. Ohhh, classes. It was so great. Though I only had two classes this day, I loved them. I'll take a break here and post my classes to avoid confusion...
-The City and Human Rights
- Arabic
- Introduction to international health policy
- Global studies seminar
- Language arts and sciences seminar

Simply put, I love my classes.
Arabic has been incredible. I am falling more and more in love with the language and seriously dream of a time when I'll be able to achieve fluency. Ahhhh :)

My international health policy has been the most... challenging? Not because of the work load, but because of the content. I've had two classes so far, and all she's done (clearly a secular humanist feminist) is throw out depressing statistics. I've acquired a significant amount of head knowledge regarding all the poverty I've seen first-hand. For example, more than 1.2 billion people globally live on less than $1/day. Shocking. $17 billion are spent annually on pet food in the USA and Europe alone. Disgusting. The Millennial Development Goals targeted for 2015 will not be accomplished. Depressing.

I'm not going to lie. It's been quite overwhelming to hear 2 hours of depressing facts. I get back after that class and just pray. Jesus, remind me that you're bigger than this brokenness. Your blood is enough for them too... Our professor is quite cynical about us being solutions. She doesn't believe much can be done about poverty and misery. Why, though? What is her reason? Because countries aren't willing to give the money required. Oh, if only she could see that Jesus is the only real solution to our depravity...

I mentioned earlier that I've gotten involved with Cru. It really has been an encouragement for me... I've met and discussed with passionate Christians, determined to leave the world different. They are on fire for God... willing to allow God to burn through them. Its so beautiful. I've loved their meetings. Today I went to a meeting for freshmen and sophomores. It was fantastic. I was 20 minutes late, like a true latin, and I really wish I had made it a priority to be there on time. Pat, the speaker, urged us to dream big dreams for this campus. He asked us to envision what it would look like for us to truly believe that "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Are our lives lived in such a way that we point others towards Jesus? Do we encourage others to love him? Are we passionately and intimately in love with Christ?

AHHHH. It was so great :) On the way home I talked with a girl named Jackie, a sophomore. We talked about theology. It was refreshing.

Oh, and tonight there was a giant capture the flag game going on... I began talking to an intern for Cru. She asked me one short question: "What do you love about Colombia?" Haha. The answer wasn't quite as short as the question. Wow. I believe that there is a strong movement in Colombia... the Holy Spirit is moving and lives are being transformed. Broken people experience the love of Christ in such a real, tangible way. I watched a video by Aaron Gillespie. He spoke of an encounter with God in Africa while experiencing an African church service. The people there worship God for one reason: they worship him because he IS. That's it. He exists and that's enough. I want to experience this kind of worship... this awe of who God is.

[[Its in the darkness where Christ's love shines brightest]]