God's Embrace

Loneliness is God's cry for intimacy with us.

Maybe so, but that doesn't make loneliness any easier to deal with. I'm in that awkward stage of relationships where I have plenty of acquaintances, but not enough friends. There are plenty of girls I can have fun with, but I don't the the depth I so intensely desire. And then there are those who I only have deep conversations with, yet having fun seems to be an issue. Thankfully, Chrissy and Tyler are truly friends. I'm able to laugh and be silly with them and I'm also able to get down and talk about difficult things. They really are a blessing in my life. 

I was on Cru's Fall Getaway this weekend.

Anyway, Fall Getaway... we had a fantastic speaker who reminded us of the Gospel. It was challenging and convicting. I had plenty of things to think about with God. Grace was beautiful once again. And yet, I didn't enjoy Fall Getaway. I was lonely. I was surrounded by people, I was even with some people I knew. I didn't really meet any new people. I wasn't refreshed by challenging conversations. I left without feeling the "community" that I was searching for.

Time. These things take time. Relationships have generally been one of my strengths; making friends isn't generally difficult. I forget that these things take time. I've begun to impatiently tap my foot and silently wonder, "Why is this taking so long, God?"

This loneliness has also made me realize how much I love my guy friendships elsewhere. I must say, I haven't made any guy friends here yet. Again, plenty of acquaintances, yet no friends. I wonder how long it will take for me to have friends who make fun of me, who challenge me to dumb competitions, who listen to me, who make me laugh... who are like brothers. If you're one those guys in my life... thank you. Know that I miss you terribly.

A hurting heart is hard to take to God. Why? I'm not sure. But its hard. And yet, I've had to push past the difficulty and lay it at his feet again and again. When I'm craving deep friendships, and hugs and fellowship, I can ask God to fill that desire with himself-- with his presence.

Last night was quite difficult. As I cried and talked to one of my friends, he said something...

"Viv, I wish I could hug you right now. But let God hug you. His hug is enough."