Goodbyes and Distance

I squeezed her so tightly, knowing that only 48 hours I'd be hugging her again-- that time saying goodbye, again.

I had been looking forward to last weekend all summer for a variety of reasons. For one, my good friend Naomi was getting married. I was so excited for her and happy to be able to be part of her special day. And then, then I was simply excited to see Cami, one of my best friends in this life. We were both bridesmaids and knew that our time with Naomi would be limited, but I was looking forward to savoring quality time with Cami again.

My heart swelled being with someone who knew me and who I knew. We laughed and told stupid stories. We caught up on life and enjoyed being silly together. A deep longing to live life with her and my closest friends surfaced again. I couldn't help getting frustrated with my awful keeping-in-touch skills and distance that I felt all too frequently. Missing her was a frustrating longing because I knew that next time I saw her, I would still miss her again. Goodbyes were characteristic for our friendship and it became all too easy to dwell on them. I bit my lip and tried to ignore the sting I felt, seeing Naomi and 11 bridesmaids, all in one country, in one city, on one day. To me, that was a miracle.

Cami and I spent the whole night together-- laughing, giggling, talking and yes, even crying. I was reminded of how blessed I am to have friends whom I so deeply love, regardless of how (in)frequently I see them.

I hugged her goodbye on Sunday morning, feeling my heart squeeze tightly, wishing I could spend a summer with her and I blinked tears away. I climbed into Lucas' car and was hit with the reality that I would soon be saying goodbye to him as well.

This summer has been fabulous, but with only 23 days left here in Canada, I'm starting to feel the familiar dread of upcoming goodbyes. I don't want it. I don't want to leave and go back to missing every day. I'm nervous about re-adjusting to life in Illinois and oh, what if I feel slightly out of place again? I'm dreading daily Skype conversations and "until-I-see-you" countdowns again.

I know I'm not alone in this. Most people today experience the bitter sting of distance in many relationships with loved ones. It's such the reality of life today... and I'm just especially struggling with that reality... again.