The Hunger of Humanity

Belonging.

It's a natural desire... the desire to fit in, to put roots in. But I've found myself struggling with two conflicting... desires? fears? The desire to belong here... and then the fear of becoming American and losing Colombia. I'm not going to lie... its been hard. I feel like I'm moving forward and accepting living here, in America, and then I fear that I'm losing Colombia-- that I didn't love it enough. I know that this is a lie, but its one of those... comforting lies.

Life is starting to feel... normal. I feel like the foreigner less and less, yet I often find myself trying to prove that I'm still not from America. Why? I don't even know... its as if differentiating myself will set me apart in values, morals and world views. I guess, in a way it does. But that can't be enough. Instead of trying to show I'm "different" I should focus on living differently. Besides WHO am I trying to differentiate myself from? I've met incredibly passionate American Christians here who love God with everything they are and all that they have. I'm learning to see past the American stereotype... I'm learning to adjust my prejudices.

My mom visited a couple of weeks ago. It was a fabulous weekend. It was nice to simply talk to someone who KNOWS me. I didn't find myself having to "contextualize" my life for her. She didn't need an explanation for my choosing U of I... or for my English fluency... or my non-Colombian appearance. She didn't need to ask if I spoke Spanish. She didn't wonder how I could be friends with my teachers in high school. She wasn't curious as to what poverty looked like in Colombia. She knew me and could talk to me and listen to me with all that in mind. It was refreshing. I hadn't realized how exhausting "contextualizing" had become. Granted, now that I'm finishing my eighth week here at U of I, many people know these things already... but still, it isn't the same. I still feel like there's a huge part of me they'll never know unless they go to Colombia. And there's truth to that... they never will.

I've been looking for a church to get involved with. The one church I was hesitant to visit is now the one church I'm most considering attending. Funny how God works things out. Twin City Bible Church is a church on campus within walking distance. I ended up going on Sunday because I had no other ride to a different church. I loved the sermon. I met a family from Honduras. It was exciting. That Sunday they talked to all the new students about opportunities to get involved. I've been attending a book discussion and the youth pastor is already contacting me for ways of helping out with youth ministries there. Continue praying with me as I make the final decision.

My eyes have been opened to a whole new realm of ministry. A ministry in which my hands and knees don't get dirty. A ministry in which I have nothing of material value to give. A ministry that is often disregarded-- or at least, I have often disregarded it. This is the ministry of college students. The brokenness is overwhelming. God's changed my perspective. Everywhere I look, I see souls in need of Jesus. My senses are hyperactive trying to gauge where this person stands in relation to my Savior.

Yes, I miss the ministry to the poor that I was able to be a part of in Colombia. Yes, I get extremely homesick when I see pictures of "my kids" in various ministries back home. Yes, I wish there were homeless people around who I could buy meals for... but, I'm being broken down and amazed at the new ministry before me.

"Do you really believe that Jesus came to change the world? Tell me, do you actually believe that? Do you believe that is love is enough to conquer hatred and pain? Do you? Do you believe in the bread of life who came from heaven to feed the hunger of humanity? Tell me, do you believe that?"