Martha, Martha

Not even two posts ago I wrote about how we're addicted to hurry. How I was looking forward to a summer where I wasn't rushing off to my next activity. A summer in which I could sit and relax and take time to process life. I expected that I'd be blogging quite a bit to make sure that I externalized everything going on internally.

But that hasn't happened.

I've definitely had plenty of down time. I've had time to think, to process, to slow down. But somehow, they internal hasn't quite made it out to the external. I would have an extremely hard time articulating what I've been learning or how I've been growing or how I've been challenged.

So, I've avoided blogging. In the past, I've blogged when I've had exciting things going on. When I have stories to share. Prayer requests to spread. Life to tell. But this last week... I've had so much down time, that I feel as though I have nothing to share-- a mentality I know is false. And though I know it is false, I still have to pick my way through the lies to figure out what to share.

I've been able to spend time with Lucas almost every day so far, which has been wonderful. I've enjoyed being outdoors with him, being in Ottawa with him and eating dinners together. But when we aren't spending time together... I'm alone. Now, I knew this would be the case. I was preparing myself for this. I was ready for a summer where I would break my addiction to hurry. I had anticipated that I would begin to lose my mind.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that I've begin to lose my mind. But I may soon. No alarm wakes me; I spend my days translating, communicating with people online, going on runs/walks, grocery shopping cooking, letter writing (send me your address if you want to be pen pals!) and longer devo times. Not too shabby.

However, I find this profound desire in me to be doing something. To be learning something. To be serving someone. To be developing as an individual. I feel terribly stuck in the mundane. It hasn't been three days and I'm stuck in the mundane.

Obviously, I need time to sit in this season a bit longer. I restlessly browsed websites yesterday looking for places where I could volunteer. I told myself that I'd feel better if I was just doing something.

But that's the point. I can't just be doing things to be better, feel better. In my restlessness the last couple of days, I've heard Jesus' quiet voice beckoning me to walk away from my altar of service and turn to him. I hear him tell me, like Martha:

"My dear Viviana, there is really only one thing worth being concerned about."

Ah, if you think of me, pray that my soul would be quieted... that I'd be able to sit at the feet of Jesus and simply hear his voice.